The love of my life is in Afghanistan. He’s been there for 2 months and although it sucks to be so far away from him, I always knew I’d see him again in November. He has made the effort to text me just about everyday and always told me that we would be okay and be back together.
Yesterday morning he broke my heart by saying he’s thinking about take a job as working as a civilian in Afghanistan after he gets out of the military and the job is three years long. He doesn’t want me to wait on him and says he loves me but it’s just so hard (our relationship I guess) with him being so far away and trying to figure out how to build on his career.
Our relationship is/was great. We are made for one another. I’m happy without him but he is the last puzzle piece to complete my picture. He is the one. I’m absolutely sure of it. I’ve never been so sure of something in my life.
I spent my day crying my eyes out yesterday because I actually felt the pains of having my heart broken. It felt worse than being cheated on and punched in the face. He is the only man for me and I have absolutely no desire to be with anyone else. Ever. No one can even compete. I don’t know what he’s going through in Afghanistan but I hope he fights for us like I’m fighting for us. I will not let such an amazing man out of my life so easily. He may be confused as to what to do with his career and balancing a relationship with me…but I’m not. I have a say-so in what goes on too.
I only hope and pray he figures things out and not only works toward his career…but works for our love and what we can have together. This is the love story of my life and I won’t…can’t give up. I love my soldier. I love him. He loves me. How do we get through this deployment?
Emotions are high and I don’t want to live without him in my life. I can. But I don’t want to. I already told him I wouldn’t be giving up on us and he said “good :)” I guess that’s a good thing. I guess he just doesn’t know how to be with me long distance and figure out the best move to take in his career. If he loves me…he’ll find a way to make it work.
Pin Up photo-shoot with my derby sisters. It was a successful night!
It’s a good thing to take a trip down memory lane…once in a while. I just saw some facebook post from my terrible ex (whom I’m not friends with in life or through a social network) and got curious as to what he was up to. I scrolled through a couple pictures of his (most of which were taken by me during our relationship) and found him to be more disgusting than ever. I’m not sure how I was charmed into being blindly lead by his raunchy, wannabe gangster ways, but hindsight is always 20/20 I suppose. I realized that everything about him was despicable. I’m a class lady and he is nothing but a trashy thief. I just kick myself in the ass every time I think about him or about how I stayed with him for a year. I’m a better person now after going through such a terrible relationship with a terrible person, but I wish he would disappear from my life forever. It doesn’t help that he still hoards loads of my stuff at the house we used to share. I’m not sure how to go about getting it back.
I’ve contacted him via facebook before, to ask for it back, but his only retort is “what’s in it for me?” What a loser…I just want my stuff back so I can wash away the past and move on with my bright future once and for all. The only things I can thank him for is what red flags to look for in a potential partner. I’m lucky enough to have gained that information (although through a terrible relationship) and I’ve found the guy I actually want to marry. I’ve now found the perfect guy for me and I can’t wait until he gets back from Afghanistan. The distance is a slow killer for me. I want nothing more than to really start a life with him. It’s hard though. All the doubt, trust issues, being abused and hurt from my ex sometime linger in my thoughts with my new boyfriend. My ex never appreciated me for my intelligence, beauty, motivation, or drive…or as a person. Joey does but those old feelings of not being wanted creep in from time to time and I project them onto Joey. Good thing I can control my illogical thoughts and feelings but it’s still scary.
Through looking at my ex’s facebook, I am even more grateful of how my life has changed so drastically in 10 months. I caught him cheating on me in my house, I got a black eye from it, I dumped his sorry ass, I lost everything I owned, I was pretty much homeless for two weeks, I moved in to my own house with my two amazing dogs, I was depressed for a couple of month, I found my confidence again, I got my friends and family back, I made new friends, I demanded respect and graciousness from the new and old people in my life, I finally started grad school (I put it off while I was with him), I made a 4.0 my first semester, I traveled more and saw my best friends from college, I excelled at my job, I had more time and money to start doing all the things I never did when I was with him, I found roller derby, I started working out with my derby team and in the gym, I’m getting more healthy and strong each day, I found the man of my dreams, I have experienced what true love is, I witnessed the birth of my God daughter, I got two wonderful, painful, glorious, and self-fulfilling tattoos, and I have more confidence, zest for life, hope for the future, happiness in my heart, and appreciation for all the blessings (painful and otherwise) that God has given me.
2011 was a terrible year for me and a lot had to do with spending a year of my life with the WRONG PERSON. As soon as he was out of my life, I had a roller coaster of emotions and have completely changed my life around. I have learned that you should never quite going after your dreams because someone else wants to pull you down. I was out of his league, he knew it, and he found the power to bring me down to his level. If your partner does not motivate you, build you up, and tell you that they are lucky to be with you; they are not the person for you. Never lose your hope and confidence because someone else is miserable and has no upward mobility.
My walk down memory lane wasn’t so painful this time around. My palms may have been sweaty the whole time looking at his stuff, but I’m a better person for not being with him. I’m more grateful than ever to fully love and appreciate myself. This allows me to fully love Joey. I’ve never been the type of girl to dream of a wedding, marriage, family, and kids. But, with Joey, it’s a whole new ballgame. I find myself wanting those things with him. I can see our white/Filipino babies in my head and I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have kids with…And I NEVER picture myself having kids.
Like I said…it’s crazy how drastically things can change in less than a year. I’m so happy with things right now, I wonder what I’ve done to deserve it. I still have work to do. I have a load of weight to lose, I’ve got skills to learn in derby so I can be boutable, I have grad school to finish so I can have my Masters Degree, and I have a man to support while being an ocean’s length away. I can’t wait until November gets here so I can hug his neck and love him like I’ve never loved anyone in my life.
Cheers :)
As the title mentions…I had a major temper tantrum at derby practice tonight. I can’t seem to shake the frustration I have with myself when it comes to getting off the ground when I do knee falls or generally bust my ass.
I was doing a drill and fell down while trying to side step quickly. No big deal. However, when trying to get up, I fell back down! Mother-effer! I get up again and of course, fall back down again. I can’t seem to get my fat ass off the ground, as usual. At this point, I couldn’t take it anymore. The whole team can see me and my frustration and anger is boiling over and I take my helmet off and and throw it as hard as I could across the rink :/ Certainly not my best moment. My coach tells me to take a breather so I can calm down. I’ve got tears welling up and I just can’t cuss enough to make me feel better.
It seems to be like this a lot a practices these days. I’m doing so much better in other areas of my progress, but I can’t get the fuck up off the ground. But alas, I have to work harder to build those muscles in my legs so I can pull all this fucking weight up off the ground. Fucking gravity man.
My anger got the best of me yet again!
(Source: pinupenigma)
I think this one stands on its own.
(Not that we don’t watch/listen to other sports on our phones while waiting for a scrimmage/game to start, but hey. We’re just human, here.)
(Source: repetitivedreams)
San Angelo Soul Sisters S.A.S.S
(Source: rollingdeadgirls)
The Penalty Timer App!
An indispensable tool for anyone tracking penalties - I used it for two bouts yesterday and once I got the hang of it everything went way smoother. It includes features like customizable team colours, timer settings and it even vibrate at the 10-second warning!You can even swipe the individual timer to add a minute, stop the penalty times individually (as in the instance of timing your second jammer) or altogether (between jams).
(Source: georgieporgie9plus10)
(Source: thxy-138)